Coming Home

Leaving home at 19 was liberating. I was stuck in this whole joy-luck-club situation at home and was treated very 2nd class by my father just for being a girl. Of course there's valid fears of raising your children in another country, but then there's just discrimination. Dysfunction was just the beginning of our problems as a family, but I suppose we all have really good dysfunctional family stories. As unprepared as I was, freedom seemed priceless. I've lived on my own since then.

Coming home was difficult. After thinking that I had succeeded as an independent adult, a few things prompted me to move back home. I had the previously mentioned d.u.i. and my mother that would need 2-6 months of post surgical care in October, a spinal fusion from the sacrum to T10 thanks to the physical deformity that life-long scoliosis caused. During her post surgical care, I was also scheduled to go to my final court hearing to surrender myself. I was facing a minimum of 45 days in county jail and pretty much lost my mind. My mother's surgeon gave me a letter for work letting them know that she would need "x" amount of recovery time. I was between a rock and a hard place because I was supposed to be in jail while she recovered, but thankfully, I served 2 days in jail, and her surgery was postponed. Don't get me wrong though, those 2 days were long, sleepless, and unforgettable. God really worked with the intricacies of each of these situations and masterfully wove the threads of time to protect me.

Adjusting to home was harder than expected. I now lived with two other adults that I didn't know well. Time had changed me, my brother, and mom. It was like being with roommates. On top of that, I was taking the bus/train everywhere due to my revoked license. Although I didn't want to impose on my family for rides, I would break down sometimes just to cut my travel time to and from work in half. There were actually times that I would get annoyed because my brother wouldn't pick me up. I knew it was my fault for getting into this mess, but I think if the tables were turned that I would've given him rides. I dunno. We're past all that and it's all in the past. Fights still occur here and there but we've chosen to learn from them so that we could break the chain of our relatives. I can say now that I'm happy to be home because we can actually act like a family, fights and all. The communication has improved because now we understand that our time here is short and can be taken at any moment.

Negativity is wasted energy, isn't it?