Thursday, December 27, 2012

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back....Again.

All Christmas Eve, I mourned the loss of my body, I was sullen and pretended to act like nothing was wrong.  I was inconsolable, not a wreck, but I just wanted to be alone.  I didn't want anyone to cheer me up to remind me of how far I've come, and how much I've done.  I am doing more than I ever thought, but it's my time to mourn.  I don't even celebrate my 2nd birthday.  :/

When Christmas day rolled around I perked right up and remembered that I was alive and thriving!  I knew I would, and only wanted to be allowed to have my moment alone.  In the past year, I've seen weddings galore and now I'm seeing a gaggle of babies make their way into this world.  I'm constantly forced to be happy.  I really am, but there's always this little voice that whispers that some of these wonderful life events would not be for me.  I believe in love stories, happy endings and know that the road I travel will have an amazing end, but every now and again, I'm just a girl that dreams of a princess life. 

What am I willing to do to rectify the things that, to me, appear to be hindering my progression?  Am I being diligent to the willingness to change?  I can be apathetic but pray desparately to not be.  I pray that the amazing people that surround me will show me that I can have what they have if I don't give up.  Truth be told, my weight is an extreme hindrance to my life.  Transferring, bodily functions, self-esteem, and many other obstacles would be much easier or made obsolete should I shed this weight.  I'm setting small goals and will try to attempt those.....again.  

In other news.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!  I've been in the mood to let stuff like that out.  I'm frustrated and am actively seeking a sound mine.  I breathe, I write, I'm sleeping more, I'm back to working out.....then what?

I left the hospital on IV antibiotics, a 6 week course, with a sidekick of Levaquin tablets, an oral antibiotic taken for 32 days straight.  Can you say "wreaking havoc on the system"?  After blood tests I realized that the wound on the lower side of my hip (a Stage 3 pressure sore - not deep enough to reach bone, but pretty darn close) was resistant to the oral antibiotic.  I was given a new one that tasted like acid in the mouth,
Metronidazole.  


Once that was done I almost skipped for joy only to have my Infectious Disease doctor call me and dash my hopes of a PICC line-free arm.  My C-reactive protein, which is a protein found in the blood, was elevated, indicating that there was inflammation.  Increased numbers in conjunction with elevated white blood cell counts happen to be indicative of something bad, more infection.

An MRI on Monday confirmed that I had e-coli in my right pelvis.  It had spread to the left pelvic area. 

The good news:  The bacteria was isolated, located, and is easily treated.

The not so good news:  I have to have IV antibiotics for an additional 6 weeks which will continue to wreak havoc on my body.  (I've got pro-biotics on hand to help the gut do it's thing.)

This is the only way to treat bone infectionThe deadline to be free of antibiotics continues to distance itself.  Until then I just take it one day at a time.  I make time to laugh, breathe, write, and most importantly, PRAY.

 
 
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