Links to My Other Blogs

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For the Hillcrest Family

On October 17th, I was privileged to speak once again at my Jr. High School.  I was given 5 minutes to speak to the families of students, former and present, as well as current staff.  It was a campaign to present the project that lie ahead.  The moving of the high school students to another location about 2 miles away.  I had told my girlfriends that I would let them know when it was happening to have them attend but thought otherwise due to the brief amount of time given to me.  Honestly I thought they'd get bored and wish to be doing something else on a beautiful warm Saturday morning.  

I was wrong to do that.  I wish that they would've been there to see what the school had become.  The day was opened by the sound of angels.  I believe their choir is called The Harvest Ensemble.  This group of high school students have traveled the world just to sing, and with more than good reason.  It was the sweetest sound to my ears.

That was followed by 3 testimonies; a 10th grader's, mine, and a school grandmother.  Mr. Kendrick talked about Mr. Armstrong which almost brought me to tears.  He spoke not only about the way he got Gary to come to the school and teach, but how they played the worst practical jokes on each other.  One incident that stood out was one where Mr. Kendrick shut the elevator down while Mr. Armstrong was stuck inside resulting with Mr. Armstrong screaming like a girl and confessing in the elevator all of the sins he committed.  Christians have a funny sense of humor, and I totally get it. lol. 

I was seated at the table with Carianne, my mother and the whole Kendrick gang, sans Joshua as he had just had surgery.  I met Joshua's and Michael's wifeS and saw Aaron.  Girls, just to get an idea of how long it's been, Mr. Kendrick's daughter is now 22 and Mr. Haliday's daughter is 13.  Ugh. lol.

I wanted to share, with you (the girls), a portion of my testimony because I know it answers an age-old question that Christians have.  It's a portion of a devotional that just made everything make sense.  "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

"Wherefore hast thou afflicted thy servant?" 
              -- Numbers 11:11

(An excerpt from Charles Spurgeon's daily devotional)

Our heavenly Father sends us frequent troubles to try our faith. If our faith be worth anything, it will stand the test. Gilt is afraid of fire, but gold is not: the paste gem dreads to be touched by the diamond, but the true jewel fears no test. It is a poor faith which can only trust God when friends are true, the body full of health, and the business profitable; but that is true faith which holds by the Lord's faithfulness when friends are gone, when the body is sick, when spirits
are depressed, and the light of our Father's countenance is hidden. A faith which can say, in the direst trouble, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him," is heaven-born faith. The Lord afflicts his servants to glorify himself, for he is greatly glorified in the graces of his people, which are his own handiwork. When "tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope," the Lord is
honoured by these growing virtues.

We should never know the music of the harp if the strings were left untouched; nor enjoy the juice of the grape if it were not trodden in the winepress; nor discover the sweet
perfume of cinnamon if it were not pressed and beaten; nor feel the warmth of fire if the coals were not utterly consumed.

The wisdom and power of the great Workman are discovered by the trials through which his vessels of mercy are permitted to pass. Present afflictions tend also to heighten future joy. There must be shades in the picture to bring out the beauty of the lights. Could we be so supremely blessed in heaven, if we had not known the curse of sin and the sorrow of earth?
 

Will not peace be sweeter after conflict, and rest more welcome after toil?

Will not the recollection of past sufferings enhance the bliss of the glorified?

There are many other comfortable answers to the question with which we opened our brief meditation, let us muse upon it all day long.

My conclusion was this:

I heard somewhere that Jesus talked about and loved the idea of transformation and how it happens.  It doesn't happen when you're loved, but when you love someone else, no matter how hard it is to do so.  And I believe that's what we received at Hillcrest, God only knows we weren't always the easiest kids to love.

Aaron, Rebecca, Michael, Mr. Kendrick, and me.

Put the Pedal to the Metal!

Last week I took on the challenge (emotional and financial) and completed my Driver's Preparation program.  It's run me about $1400 so far, but it's money well spent.  I passed with flying colors and am en route to getting my license.....Now to find money for a car. lol.  

I haven't driven for over a year so it felt really really good to get out on the road again.  Even the freeway wasn't as bad as I thought it would've been.  

Stay off the sidewalks!  lol.....okay, not funny.

side note:  I almost bought a shirt that said, "Honk if you're about to run me over!"  I don't think the peeps at my Spinal Cord Injury support group would appreciate it since a majority of us were victims of car accidents.  I think it's funny.  sorry.

The Drive

A good friend of mine, now a licensed therapist, came to visit me in the hospital one day. She said something so important to me, something that I have to remind myself of everyday. "Don't have survivor guilt".  I hear the cliche over and over again, "It could've been worse, count your blessings".  Separating yourself from yourself is mind consuming.  I've arrived at a happy medium.  I'm thankful that I'm alive, I count my blessings daily, I pray (talk) to God everyday about EVERYTHING and tell myself that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and that everything is in perfect working order.  I accept it.  There, I said it. lol

I was on my way to Cedars Sinai today to get some papers filled out by my Dr.  While on the ride down the 405 I was thinking.  Because let's face it, being on the 405 South at 9:30 a.m. is just as good as sitting in a parking lot.  I threw on my ipod and started listening to a great salsa song and the thoughts started rolling around.  I thought, "God I have to walk again.  I can't imagine my life without dancing.".  To be given a gift (dancing) and to have it taken away was devastating.  It's where I felt at home aside from singing in church.   I haven't been able to sing like I used to but am working on that.  And remember I can sing, I don't saaaaaang, okay?  And I know there's such things as ballroom wheelchair dancing, but it's not the same.  It's just NOT.  Not to put it down, but it's like painting with a computer mouse; you can do it, but it's not the same, though it would be pretty interesting.  Like the guy who did typewriter art......

I digress. 

So I've arrived at the season of my life where I seriously accept and contemplate the idea of getting married and having little rugrats.  I never wanted either till about two years ago.  I love the idea, I love kids, in fact I'm friggin' awesome with kids and they love me, yet the idea of having my own scared the hell out of me.  You know when you get those dumb ideas like, "What if I roll over my kid while he's sleeping next to me?". lol  I guess that comes with commitment-phobia.  But I'm ready.  I actually want it, really.  I'm a little late in the dating game and I don't see my condition as a deal-breaker, but just another thing about me that someone would have to accept.  

I want to stand and dance at my own wedding.  I want Ollie or Mr. Foster to give me away to the awesome guy that's out there.  And I don't want to just have a first dance, I want to dance till 3 a.m. until my feet fall off because they're throbbing.  I'm throwing it out there to God and the universe.  I want it.  I want to walk, I want to get back in the gym, I want to walk my kids to school, I want to jump on the subway and go wherever without having to think about whether my destination is or isn't wheelchair accessible, I want to travel, and I definitely want to be an awesome testimony to God's great power and mercy.  I am waiting.

I WANT IT!

Small update

I'm starting to feel the muscles inside of my left hip, though I can't physically feel touch there yet.

carry on!

FIRSTS

Everyday is difficult and full of pain, but I can say that the known difficulties and pains are reducing....only to present different challenges. Nothing new for any of us though. Now that the really difficult part is over I'm being presented with time and organization challenges. These are old friends as they've always been my downfall. I keep track of appointments, body maintenance, paperwork galore, and now I'm reintroducing social appointments. :)


I'm experiencing "firsts" all over again. My first major accident, my first major surgery, my first wheelchair, and a cornucopia of firsts in the sense that everything I used to do needs adapting to.






But good "firsts" have come to pass as well. Including several speaking engagements at my old Jr. High school, Hillcrest Christian, and at churches. The first time at Hillcrest blessed me with the presence of girlfriends from my Jr. High. With the help of Facebook and old connections I was able to see them after twenty some odd years. I was relieved to know that they were successful and doing well and fighting the good fight like we all do, meaning that they're dealing with life along with it's challenges and victories........like we all do. There were fifth graders with a sense of wonder in seeing a tangible group of people that were once in their shoes, in their school, while eager, giddy kindergardeners were in front speaking about their favorite colors and raising their hands with the only reason being that everybody else was raising their hands. In fact, one of the young girls was the daughter of an old school mate. Wow, how time flies.

In the hospital, I met some family from my dad's side for the firs time, even though they've lived in Southern Cali for the last, well, forever.

I've also experienced first outings by myself. I now am able to see my therapists and doctors with zero to minimal assistance. Yesterday I was able to DRIVE with hand controls during my first session of driver's prep. Woo hoo dance!

Last night was the best "first" though. I went to our salsa social (Alhambra) by myself. Though it ended a little early, it was so awesome to watch the dancing and catch up with old friends. It had been a full year since I had been there. I had come full circle.


So there are many "firsts" to come and you'll be the first to know.;)

Tick tick tick

The hands of time are turning and everything that seems coincidental, is not. It's evidential. My time at home is coming to an end and life indicators have been pointing out to me that transition is coming yet again and I will be back at work in no time. This makes me happy because it means that my prayer has been answered. It was a prayer to God for endurance, peace, patience, and HOPE. I wanted to survive this crucial/cruel adjustment period. I've gone from barely wheeling around to going down the block, doing laundry, and being able to do passive hobbies at home with little assistance.

My hours (sick & vacation time) are running low which means that I'll be surviving on state disability (60% of your pay), but on a positive note my expenses are winding down. Lawyer and state expenses aside, I'm happy to say that I'm just about credit card free. I've got about $1000 or so to pay off. I've also got a ton of Christmas gifts that were never given away last year due to me being unavailable, so I've got stuff to give away already without the hassle of shopping. LOL. Don't get me wrong, I'm a girl who gets her kicks shopping, but not having to go is great.

I've also begun outpatient physical therapy, (FINALLY) So far I'm happy with the therapists I've met, as they seem competent in working with "my patient population". That sounds so weird, but as long as they're great, I'm happy.

Last night I dreamed about my office and coworkers. Each and everyone are unique in the sense that each has a different type of insanity to add to the pot. One is notorious for having a BAD attitude and temper tantrums yet has the least reason to own either one of these admirable qualities. A majority of her time is spent on the phone with siblings and spouse, doing online banking, or doing something else that's not work-related. In my dream she was really cranky, like a child who sulks in a corner to have a temper tantrum in which no remedy would suffice. Oddly enough my retired co-worker called me from the Philippines to ask me for my address. We ended up discussing family work and other details that we usually catch up on. She asked about the girls at work. I didn't know how to reply because so many changes have occurred since the restructuring of our department. New computer systems can do that to a company. Then today, my co-worker called me to say hello and check up on me. I talked to all the girls and said quick "Hellos" and "I miss yous". When I told them about my dream, they laughed and confirmed that I wasn't dreaming it, but was actually channeling my co-worker. LOL. So, hours are coming to an end, physical therapy is picking up, I'm getting stronger, and work is waiting for me....


What to do.

That's all for now.