I started this a few days ago and decided to finish it. I tend to do that. I start writing, I get inspired, I get distracted, then life takes me hostage again. But I know it's important to keep account of feelings, especially when we'd rather not...
I cried this morning and remembered ... I can slay the Jabberwocky. I watch a lot of t.v.
I'm unsure if it's the whole "reticular activator" theory, but I seem to be more aware of wheelchairs everywhere I go. I'm not a "gleek", but I really enjoy the show and unconsciously focus on Artie, the wheelchair-bound student that sings in the Glee Club. I identify with the chair and loving to sing and keep an eye on his character. For the Christmas episode, his girlfriend asks Santa to give Artie new legs and through a series of good will choices, he ends up with a robotic system that enables him to walk. I've seen it on the net and it's roughly around $100,000.00. Then I'm listening to the Bruno Marz song "Just the Way You Are", and I do a mini spiral into the whole, "Will I find someone to love me just the way I am, and will they think I'm perfect?" thought pattern again.
After watching the DVR recording of Glee, I went on to watch Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I think it's great regardless of popular opinion. Alice thinks of 6 impossibles before doing the impossible, and that last one was, "I can slay the Jabberwocky". And I thought, nothing is impossible, especially when I have God's constant peace and assurance stabilizing my every step so that I can confidently walk forward.
But yes, it's Christmas time and my 2 year anniversary is coming up. This year has been one of challenges and triumph......and then more challenges. Isn't that the way life is?
I'm afraid of being alone, even though mom (my pillar of strength) and many friends remind me that I don't need to fear loneliness. And I know that God will never leave my side. Mom says that I don't need a man in my life, then I think of Adam and Eve. I'm pretty sure that God knew that we could or would get lonely and need companionship. A special relationship between two people meant to spend their lives with each other. Sigh.
But enough of that. For now I'm staying busy with eBay, Christmas shopping, bills, friends, and work. I'm grateful for everything I have,and for what I DON'T have. Looking towards the future and knowing that I have loved ones holding my hands as I take those next steps make it worth while. It's the journey after all, isn't it?
