Resolutions?

I do not make resolutions.  If you're going to change something, do it now.  I've been getting out a little bit more and each time I had gone out I had mixed feelings.  

I'm frustrated that I don't drive but it's just too expensive.  It would be a dream to get my Impala suped up and modified with hand controls.  Not being able to drive severely limits my spontaneity.  Access Services is great but is also limited when it comes to distance and scheduling.  I am such a social butterfly and love impromptu meetings but for now that only happens when I can catch a bus or schedule a ride ahead of time on Access.

I can transfer in and out of a car when I'm in my manual chair but for now I'm covered in attachments.  I still have a wound vac  connected to my right thigh and a PICC I.V. line in my left arm.  Pushing the manual chair is painful because the I.V. site rubs against the back of the chair each time I push.  The wound under my leg and my catheter (which can act up) both leak when least expected.  I use seat liners when I travel and it's embarrassing, but necessary.  

I was invited to a Christmas party by a friend (who ended up not coming due to being sick) and decided to stay to hear some music.  I knew the music would be good but was pleasantly surprised to know that some of the best of the best musicians were playing salsa music that night.  I saw a few old friends and watched the crowd, which was strewn with old school salseros, dance the night away.  I watched longingly with a burning desire for that to be my future, 80 years old and dancing salsa, HOT salsa!  The best I could do was dance from the waist up in my chair.  I felt kind of lame, oh wait, I guess it's cause I kind of am, lol.  Wah wah wah waaaaaaaahhhhh.

A few Sundays after that I paid a surprise visit to one of my dearest friends and first dance instructors.  I wanted to bring her a belated house warming gift (which was waaaay late) as well as a Christmas gift.  I stayed to watch the salsa class that was in progress, and again, I longed to dance.  

I cried a few nights ago while Mom was helping me and for the first time I asked out loud, "How long will I be like this?".  Mom reassured me that it was temporary.  I couldn't help it.  The next few questions that came out of my mouth were, "when", "when", "when".  I drifted off to sleep and woke up feeling calm.  On Sunday one of the worship songs we sang answered my questions.  These are the lyrics:

hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry  
so I wait for You so I wait for You  
I'm falling on my knees offering all of me  
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
broken I run to You for Your arms are open wide 
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life  
so I'll wait for You so I'll wait for You
I'm falling on my knees offering all of me  
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for 
Oh, I'm falling on my knees offering all of me  
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for 

I remembered that I was waiting on His timing and that I wouldn't be alone in the meantime.  My heart was quieted and reassured.  I was given new resolve for the new year.

Going to the gym has become priority and I was surprised and grateful when my therapist sat me down to talk about a game plan for the weeks to come.  We assembled a fitness plan that would complement both my personal work out days and my therapy days.  It seems that 2013 will be my strongest year ever.

It goes without saying that I am the sum of the amazing people that support and love me and I am grateful.