It's A Love Hate Thing

As I peruse the internet for awesome Halloween makeup tutorials, because frankly I don't think about wheelchair-based costumes, I'm sipping on a Captain & Coke Zero.  The irony. 

After a super stressful day at work, new position and all, I left work stressed.  I have loads on my mind like bills that need to be paid, namely my lawyer's bill, bills I can't neglect, financial budgeting for physical therapy, paperwork I need to request early termination of probation and a probable expungement of my record, my blood sugar levels, cleaning and all the other day to day chores to name a few.

I left work stressed, made it to PT and left feeling great!  I was singing, I was tired, I was happy it was Friday.  TGIF!  On my way home, I made my usual stop to CVS (because I hate passing the area where I was hit by the car) and bought some Captain Morgain.  I'm a sucker for a Cap'n & Coke.  Then I saw that cigarettes were on sale and I bought a pack "just because".  I have started smoking again. blech, and am in the process of quitting again.....

I smoked on and off for years before I moved home and quit a few months prior to my accident seeing that I had finally become a gym rat and all.  I didn't smoke for about 2 years post injury because they had deflated one of my lungs and I wanted to give it the best possible chances for recovery.  Then one day, I had one of "those" days and it started again.  sigh.

I love my body enough to workout twice weekly with a therapist specializing in the paralysis population, but then do this kind of crap.  It's not awesome but how counter productive. 

Lately I've also thought about the prospect of dating.  I found a free e-Harmony app on my iPad and decided to fill it out.  I was honest about the paralysis and have had some prospects.  I'm too cheap to pay for a monthly membership right now because I really am NOT looking for anything long term right now.  Although I wouldn't be opposed to meeting someone and seeing where a friendship/relationship would end up.  lol.