Where do you feel "at home"?

Service started with a song that was perfect.

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand my soul
Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

I have that feeling, the feeling of "I will stand up", and "I will kneel down". Even if it's in my mind. That's the first step, the mental aspect. It builds on the foundation of my belief and suffices the patience that is still growing. All that has happened is the wind that blows me around in order to strengthen my roots.

Home?? Home?... Home... It's the first time in a long time that I felt at home. In church, singing with a huge smile on my face, praises of worship to God. Even my body felt alive, different, not mine. I know something happened and I was glad that I made the first step to come" home".

I'll explain.

After being in my childhood home for over a year without really being at church has given me time to try out the ride without the training wheels. I was ready to have my life and faith sharpened and knew it was really time to go back. A new environment with people I didn't know used to scare me, now I actually prefer it. Fresh starts are nice sometimes, not like bankruptcy fresh starts lol. That's what they use to call a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy back in the day, the "fresh start" bankruptcy. I should know.

Timing is everything, and God's timing is amazing....over and over again.

My next door neighbor, whom I babysat millions of years, ok like 15 years, ago, invited me to a church that I'd been wanting to go to for the last year. I was homesick for church and this one was similar to what Hermon Church felt like. My family which knows how important church is to me kind of broke my heart. Being in a home where everyone goes to (Catholic) church saddens me because I've never been invited or even offered to be brought to church with them. I'm unsure if they thought I was opposed to it or not, but any church at this point would lift me up. I was starving.

Instead of waiting to be fed, I started looking for eating utensils. After conversing with my neighbor about the evening service one week prior, I realized it was a service geared towards young adults, just like Fusion over at Christian Assembly. God knew I was hungry and set it up. The right place (not too far from home), the right person (someone I admire and trust), the right situation (the place I had been wanting to go to without worrying about who was with me). She asked and I said yes without purposeful hesitation.

Last Sunday I had spent all day with mom. The Encino Farmers Market was delicious. I pleasantly found the old pupusa maker from the Eagle Rock Farmer's Market and needless to say, I ordered 2 for us to eat. We headed to the mall in order to lollygag while waiting for a movie to start. (The theatre was located at the mall). The movie happened to be in a theatre which only had wheelchair seating at the front and that wasn't going to happen. Vertigo and a migraine are costs too high to pay for a movie. Lastly, we stopped at the market. I was poooooped by the time I got home, not to mention sweaty and disgusting thanks to the San Fernando Valley heat which just seems to come from all directions, even the asphalt. Ugh.

I had every (acceptable) reason in my pocket to get out of going to church. (side thought: Why do we always try to get out of church? What thoughts make church that bad that we're trying to escape it? Are we afraid, annoyed at the thought of having to answer or explain to someone why we haven't been at church, why we've been sinning all week or why we're late, or whatever? God knows already right? He loves us regardless, right? We're not perfect, and is it so bad that somebody wants better for us? Just a thought.) I had that feeling of buyer's remorse, in the sense that I said "yes" too quickly, and now was rethinking my decision. I didn't factor in fatigue when I said yes to my neighbor. I had every good reason but the correct one. Was I hungry or not? I was. I freshened up and called my neighbor. Their new phone carrier was a bit annoying, echoes and all.....I had one more chance to get out of our date....but I wanted my date with God. Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

That night the pastor commented on those who follow the Lord. Jesus doesn't want fans, he wants followers and there was a visualization given of someone following so close as to have the dust of Jesus' sandals covering them. Am I so far that I don't even see the Lord in the distance. Reading my Bible is not a priority, I'm not going to lie, but I know it's key. More excuses come to mind. Nevertheless, I know it's something I need to do.

Home.

(go Meat! I don't know why that popped into my head.)