But not impossible. Like most of us, I feel the worst in the morning. I love the fact that I've made it one more day, but the physical task of "getting up" is what gets me down. I usually wake up in pain wondering if I have to go to the bathroom (because I don't have motor sensation from the waist down). When I turn myself to the sides I occasionally twist my body and have to really wake up to adjust while feeling discomfort/subtle pains. After turning, the pain usually increases, but I am doing better with the amount of pain med I take, only about once every other day now.
Today I cried while getting dressed. Mom was helping me and my emotions just swelled up. Every time I log rolled to face away from her my eyes filled with tears too fast to catch. I briefly had the "ugly crying" face. Then I just sat up in bed and let it out. About a minute then I was done. I sat there thinking that God was with me. He gave me mom so that He could hug me and tell me to hang on one more day. I'm so grateful for my mother and for God. I'm thankful that I don't hate Him. It's too easy to misplace anger, which I can do, but I'm given a sense of hope to think about the future. My miracle is not too far and purpose is waiting for me.
2 comments:
Anger is inevitable and understandable.... sometimes we need it and I believe it IS healthy...but only because we use it to release it from within us. Then we move on. I love you Ms. Olivia!
Wow Olivia! I cried reading this...I read your Good Night Kitty post and cried there too. Tears are a good thing as you so poetically wrote. They release all kind of toxins and feelings. Thanks for the release, for the honesty, for the window into your world. Still luvin ya...
Susan
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