"Bonus" Time

During my hospital stay, I attended a Spinal Cord Injury support group, though in the beginning I went just to get my therapist off my back. Obviously it was an important part of my emotional and mental rehabilitation and well being. Crying was instinctively the first thing I wanted to do during the first meeting only because you truly had to self-admit to being different. But then again whenever I did something new, like taking my first salsa class - solo, I wanted to cry then too. Weird. Anyhow, the topic came up of how you felt post hospital, post adjustment. And I must say, again, I live among survivors and have steadily met more as the days go on. I've become closer to several co-workers and even closer to friends who've just been very open with me about their lives. It's a reciprocated openness amongst people I know. Knowing a friend at a deeper levels offers the gifts of trust, sincerity, and compassion, things that are hard to find in this world.

In the last 2 to 3 months I've heard personal stories that just give you goosebumps. One friend shared with me how she found out that her breast cancer had metastasized to her brain after being clear from breast cancer just months prior. Simultaneously, her mother had recurring breast cancer and they would find themselves in different parts of the same hospital receiving chemotherapy at the same time, similar to me and mom having "book end" back braces. Yet my friend survived because she had a one year old waiting for her back at home. She's now been clear for 7 years. Another co-worker was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS in 1990 and has survived up until now after being told he had 6 months to live. Even close friends have shared stories of their children being diagnosed with Leukemia, or of personal struggles with mental anxieties/disorders.

People that I've met in the Spinal Cord Injury area of the rehab ALL have freakish stories. Everything from car accidents (usually the receiving end), to skiing accidents, to pool-diving-in-the-shallow-end accidents, to auto immune diseases damaging the spinal cord, all resulting in paralysis. Sadly, during the last group meeting, I met two new guys, both under 35, one with kids, who have been victims of reckless drivers, and one girl who was stabbed in the back of her neck in the heat of domestic violence. Oddly enough, we all have good attitudes. A quadriplegic friend of mine had her accident when her daughter was 3 years old. She wore a "halo" for 3 months, which is standard time, and basically had a cage bolted into her head to prevent her neck from moving in order for it to heal correctly. Her daughter is now 20 and is attending college while my friend has her own house, drives a van, and is able to walk her two dogs. My friend Frank broke his neck while diving into the shallow end of a pool at HIS OWN wedding reception in Mexico, he's now a quadriplegic as well and is doing well. There are more stories of people who were injured in sporting accidents and have rehabilitated to a the point to where they can go back to doing the same sports that they loved, in a new way. Everything from skiing, basketball, downhill racing, kayaking, surfing, and yes, even dancing.

Lastly, I remember one morning in the hospital. I saw an evangelism show on in the middle of the week and decided to watch it. He said, "Whatever you're going through, whatever you're in the middle of.....you've already overcome, you've already gained victory through Christ Jesus." That's all I needed to keep going.

You know, all of us felt the same way in the beginning. "I can't do this". "I can't live like this". "I'd rather die". Never thinking to fight on. We came to an understanding that we didn't die and that we were allotted "Bonus Time". This is the gravy. All of our friends think we're so brave because we chose to live, but really, living is a choice for all of us on a daily basis, and we're still in awe of all of you who survive the pains that no one can see. We thank you and love you for being there for us. Thanks for being there for me, I hope I can be there for you.




When I Don’t Know What To Do
Tommy Walker WeMobile Music ©2005 CCLI #4556332

Lord I surrender all to
Your strong and faithful hand
In everything I will give thanks to You
I’ll just trust Your perfect plan

Chorus:
When I don’t know what to do
I’ll lift my hands
When I don’t know what to say
I’ll speak Your praise
When I don’t know where to go
I’ll run to Your throne
When I don’t know what to think
I’ll stand on Your truth
When I don’t know what to do

Lord I surrender all
Though I’ll never understand
All the mysteries around me
I’ll just trust your perfect plan

As I bow my knee
Send Your perfect peace
Send Your perfect peace, Lord
As I lift my hands
Let Your healing come
Let Your healing come to me