COFFFFFEEEE...YOWZA!

So.  I'm off the wagon folks. buzzzzz

Drinking coffee is similar to being on a roller coaster.  I used to drink triple shot iced mochas in 1998 while working night & graveyard shifts and eventually cut back because of heart palpitations (self-diagnosed, lol). 

Over the course of time I became a "1-2 cups of regular black coffee a day" kind of gal .

Around 2005 they opened up a Starbucks in our hospital, INSIDE!  What the heck?  So I started with the Americano and progressed to the Red Eye, the Black Eye (often misheard as "the black guy"), and finally The Concussion -3 shots of espresso added to a Tall Coffee (as if regular Starbucks coffee wasn't already super caffeinated).




I hadn't had coffee for about 1 1/2 years.

(Date of accident) 12/2008 - 5/2010


Caffeine was just a nuisance to drink during recovery & rehab and in the end I had just detoxed from it completely.  But I tell you, in the hospital I neeeeeded it.  I was awoken every 2 hours to be turned, awoken up once for a bath around 6, and once again for early meds.  Argh!  There's no rest in a hospital.  And did I mention random wake ups at 5 a.m. to get blood drawn?  Getting stuck with a needle while half awake is not right.





Currently I start work at about 6 a.m., meaning I wake up @ around 4 a.m.  I need at least 45 min. to get dressed, into my wheelchair, and washed up.  Then it takes about an hour to get to work. (early, RIGHT?? THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!)  Slowly but surely I started drinking Cafe again.




I went from "no caffeine"
     to "decaf"
          to "half & half"
               to Starbucks Via packs EXTRA BOLD
                    lol.


I'm still too cheap to buy coffee from     premium coffee shops

I have to say that the Starbucks Via coffee packets offer a fresh ground coffee flavor and taste delicious.

Dark & Strong, yes!

Ahhhhhh...delicious and yes I had a full cup this morning...YoWzA!!!!

Can You Feel It?

 


The way I physically feel as far as "return of sensation" never seems like something that would be interesting to read or write about, but maybe it will allow me to keep track of my progress.

Response to physical touch hasn't changed much.  The left leg  responds a little when slapped, tapped, or physically stimulated, meaning that it tingles a bit.  Tingling to me feels like a mild version of that feeling you get when your foot and/or hand recover from having fallen asleep.  The tingling, burning never stop.  It happens 24/7.  

What's really interesting though is that different parts of the body above the level of injury (T-10 /  belly button level) are causing secondary feeling in areas below the level of injury.   According to one of my Occupational Therapists, this is a good sign as it indicates that what is connected on top, neurologically speaking, is connected to the bottom.

For Example:

• Touching my neck & the underside of my chin = tingling in the inner calf muscle area
• Touching the front of my left rib cage area = sensation from the left thigh.
• Touching the front of the right rib cage area = sensation in back of the right thigh.

When I Turn my torso left or right, I can feel nerves activating or pulling/stretching down the sides of my body.  

My ass hurts all the time.  It's like having a wedgie all day yet I can't physically feel externally.

It's all very odd, but nevertheless every sensation counts.

Right?

Life Is Like a Box Of "Sugar-free" Chocolate

Change is the one thing that's constant in life.

I spent a week in the hospital and it brought back unwanted familiarity. 

Several weeks prior to going to the hospital, I had been craving water, juice, diet soda, name it.  I was drinking about 2 liters of fluid nightly causing me to urinate frequently.  I wasn't hungry at all, but I was fatigued and my eyesight had progressively worsened over the past 4 months.  I attributed my symptoms to everything from working on a computer too long, to sleeping an average of four hours per night.

One weekend I felt ill, lethargic.  I had vomited everything I ate and drank, even water.  By Monday, June 14th, 2010 I was vomiting, I couldn't get out of bed, and I had really blurry vision.  My skin was splotchy and I couldn't breathe.  I was huffing and puffing while doing nothing physically daunting so I decided to go to the E.R. at the hospital where I work at. 

I was so dehydrated that blood draws were virtually impossible.  An ultrasound helped locate a vein so that they could draw blood and after several blood samples, a CT Scan, and several tests it turned out that I had become diabetic.  My blood sugar was at 500, normal blood sugar is just under 100.  Needless to say, I arrived just in time.

I have a foley catheter in me so that I can empty my bladder and had acquired an infection which set off the diabetes.  My blood had become so acidic that my body was causing me to huff and puff in order to release the acid via the blood gasses. 

The bad news is that my blood sugar had been high for several months and I was in a state of Ketoacidosis which means that my body was burning fat for energy instead of glucose.  Insulin wasn't being produced to use the glucose in my body.  I'm an atypical diabetic.  I was insulin resistant, which is more like type 2 (adult onset) diabetes, yet leaking out sugar and electrolytes which is more consistent with type 1 (juvenile onset) diabetes.

I stayed in the ICU for 3 nights while they regulated my insulin.  My fingers looked like bloody punching bags from all the finger sticks they did to test my blood.  I had about 5 I.V. lines in me because they kept having trouble finding a vein that wouldn't cause problems.  After several rounds of antibiotics, insulin, and a crash course on insulin therapy I was able to go home on Friday.  I was sent home with insulin and am most likely going to be taking it for a long long time.  

Right when I was accepting the fact that I would be in a wheelchair for a while, change happened again.  I had to empty my fridge and come up with an immediate menu that would accommodate my new dietary needs.  *sigh*  I panicked when I came home because my eyesight had changed dramatically.  I was blind and couldn't read labels, or a computer.  A fear of not being able to work rushed through me.  I bought several reading glasses to help me see at work.  I literally felt like I was wearing coke bottle glasses, LOL.

Right now, I'm worried about complications that can arise from being diabetic and paralyzed.  I already have poor circulation in my legs.  I'm afraid of neuropathy and kidney problems.  But I know that what I have to do now is get my ass in gear and get to the personal trainer so he can get me moving.  Therapy does wonders for the body as far as regeneration so this gives me more incentive to boost my work out routine.

Physical ailment aside, I started to get a little depressed.  I had thought about relationships again.  It was difficult to meet someone before and now I thought it would be a little more challenging.  I have a "great personality" and all, but relationships demand a little more than a great personality.  I've already come to terms that I could be alone for a long time and that if I met someone, they'd have to be really special.  It would have to be someone who really understood love in it's true meaning.  As these thoughts progressed this morning while getting ready for work, I caught a brief interview with an amazing person named Nick.  I'd seen his programs before and had checked out his website.  (http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/)  In about 5 minutes I had peace in knowing that having a full functioning body didn't mean that you'd be happy.  I know that I'm special and that God will use this "change" for something amazing.  I really believe that, and am willing to endure this time because I'm not alone, ever.  Life is short and I don't want to lose time wallowing in self-pity, or going through depression though it's a normal thing to experience (briefly).  I tell myself to hang on one more day and that usually works. 

It's been just over two weeks and I'm feeling much better.  Even my eyesight is returning to it's original prescription (as predicted by my diabetes educator), and once again, the power of prayer, love, and faith have brought me through one of life's battles.

Put Your Back Into It

Weeks have gone by, and much has changed.  I'll write more later about the changes.

Today, I had one of those moments, the kind where the light bulb illuminates mental blockage and provides clarity.  It's the less dramatic version of the "Ah ha!" moment.

I just spent a few weeks thinking about life and relationships and so on and came to a conclusion tonight.  

Expand on what you know you have.

I was worried about what hasn't happened, what might not happen.  I was caught up with the "what abouts" and "what ifs".  And while watching a show about singing, I remembered.  I love to sing.  That's what's always made me happy and I'll just keep on singing.  It's where I let go (whether I sound horrible or not), it's where I meet the Lord.  And then all is right again.  Singing is the way I pray, it's the way I converse, it's the way I cry, express joy, love, hate, it's where I'm free.

This new found awareness said, "Now you have to dig.  Put your back into it", figuratively speaking that is.

God was telling me to keep trucking along in order to see all of the things that were in store for me.  You don't win the game if you don't play, right?

So whatever you're going through, remember that you've already won, the sun's always shining above the clouds, and there's plenty of "Ah ha!" moments ahead of you that will keep you going.