5 and ALIVE!

www.triumph-foundation.org

I have been more involved with this awesome non-profit organization, www.triumph-foundation.org.  Volunteering has allowed me to pay back (pay forward) the kindness that the founder and his wife brought to me when I spent my "Merry Christmas" in an Intensive Care Unit 5 years ago.  They hand out care baskets with informative "How to" brochures and goodies that help people newly injured with an SCI (Spinal Cord Injury) year round.  Extra love and cheer make them super special during the holidays.  He, like I, was injured and hospitalized during the winter holidays so we love to spread cheer and hope roundabouts this time.

Hope is alive as I've learned that the Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation have expanded upon new fields of research to complement and create alternatives to regenerative medicine studies, a.k.a. stem cell research.  One such research involves Epidural Stimulation, while other new studies involve electroencephalography.  With bright hopes, the FIFA World Cup 2014 will start off with a paralyzed teenager making the first "KICK" of the games!  Things are definitely looking up!

Pairing this hope with a tangible hand to hold provides a light to help someone see the possibilities that life STILL affords an individual.  Triumph Foundation's motto is to help individuals with Spinal Cord Injuries to triumph over their disabilities and employs many resources to inspire and keep people moving forward with their lives by pushing themselves to get better every day

At the holiday party @ C.O.R.E., I was reminded of a powerful statement, "You'll find that your abilities far outweigh your disabilities and you ARE getting better everyday."  This motto is foundational to the way I approach everything now and can be applicable to anyone facing challenges, big or small.

A few weeks back I had a procedure.  For a moment I was saddened at the fact that I had to go in & go home ... alone.  People kept asking me how I was getting home or who was present with me to watch my stuff or sign paperwork, etc. and I had to keep repeating out loud, in my own words.

No one.

It's one thing to know this fact but to repeat it over and over again is just annoying.  1.  I don't want to dwell on the fact that I'm alone and 2.  I really can get around on my own, I'm fine, please stop asking me these questions.  (Don't get me wrong, I know it's protocol to make sure that someone who has been sedated doesn't drive themselves home, it was just poor timing for me.)

While waiting in the Pre-Op area, I had time to reflect on my current position, disposition, abilities, disabilities and came to the conclusion that I am really fortunate.  I do have seriously down days where I ponder about the "whys" of life, like, "Why would God would allow me to experience this?", but then, there's always this simultaneous up stroke, the silver lining which presents itself slowly when I pursue each day with a desire to allow my purpose to unfold.  I let go of the emotional insanity that can be easily aggravated by hormones, and choose to begin each day with gratitude and humbleness knowing that I am getting better in ways I never expected.

I love the phrase that states, "Sometimes we have to let go of things because they're........heavy."

So I begin my 6th year with gratitude and an eagerness to see what ,or who, will cross my path.

Oh, and I have a suuuuuuper cute chubby nephew to keep me preoccupied when I'm feeling down, and to add joy when I'm on top of the world. OH and a super cute niece born just 3 weeks after the little guy!

http://nesn.com/2014/01/walk-again-project-could-allow-paralyzed-teen-to-take-first-kick-at-2014-world-cup-video/

Amazing, have you tried it?

I was feeling very tired today but have had an amazing 24 hours.  Well, I guess every 24 hours is potentially  amazing if you choose to see it that way.  I am experiencing amazing things today because I choose to see them.  

I saw Robin Williams and Bobcat Goldthwait last night for an intimate evening exploring Robin's life: past, present, and future (all while laughing...I mean, piss in your pants laughing).  I enjoyed the company of a birthday girl, experienced fresh made ice cream created with the magic of blue velvet cake and nitrogen while rolling around Beverly Hills, slept, woke up another day (Thank God!), failed, forgave myself, and moved forward again.  Fall down 7 times, get up 8, right?  I worked at a job that I'm grateful for and made it home safely.

The evening commenced with doggy kisses, a hug from my brother, a laugh with my sister in law, and a wash of excitement over the nearing arrival of my nephew.  I worked my butt off with my favorite therapist and the awesome staff at C.O.R.E. (http://www.corecenters.info/) and enjoyed the kind of workout where you're dripping sweat down every part of your body all while laughing and sharing stories, and, ideas.  A new friend at the gym encouraged me to write.  She is a writer and a motivational speaker and had challenged herself to a 40-day writing challenge.  This sparked all kinds of ideas and incited a brainstorming session between me, myself, and I (3 awesome people, lol), so here I am writing (typing) again.

Tonight I was given a great explanation and example as to why mindset was so important.  A story about gazelles and lions and their reasons for running gave way to an explanation in which motivation, mindset, and consistent commitment were key factors in determining your goals and outcomes of said goals.  Practical work in conjunction with a plan would determine how great of a result you would achieve.  I believe "awesome" was a word used. :)

The computer was turned on, I cracked my typing knuckles and logged on and set the writing mood with the Beatles' Pandora station.  While online, e-mail was the first thing I checked and to my surprise an oooooold friend from the dancing scene had sent me an e-mail with warm salutations and shared that he had a dream that we were hanging out.  Amazing guy.  I meandered over to the Iconoclasts site in order to share the link with a friend and realized that I, myself, had experienced life changing alchemy with individuals, both short- and long-term, and was better connected to humans than I had previously imagined.  

When I checked my Facebook page (as we all do) I read a great post by an amazing individual I know in the wheelchair community expressing a choice to believe in the goodness of the human race because someone had returned his just-lost wallet with all contents accounted for.  This blessed him.  Key words: "choice" and "blessed". (side note: I've decided to leave my chosen FB language as English (Pirate), Arrrr you scallywags!)

 So as I sit here physically exhausted, I am singing and writing and realize that I'm experiencing "amazing" whilst writing about it.  Every part of my soul and spirit are nourished.

Good music, a loving family, a therapeutic workout for my body and soul, a homemade dinner, and more laughing.  Amazing, right?  God is good.

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb. - Sir Winston Churchill

happy...

I don't think I've ever written a post being completely happy.  It's usually me blathering about negative things to rid my head of the sludge.  I find clarity once these thoughts have been thoroughly evacuated.

Call it endorphins, call it purpose, call it a "sense of self", but I'm in a simple word, happy.  It's not that life is perfect or that I am perfect but I know who I am.

We are getting ready to welcome a baby in our family, my first nephew!  This is the closest I think, I'll be coming to having kids for awhile.  My family unit at home is solid and dare I say, functioning.  We are open, honest, communicative, and in agreement to make things work.  Our family was broken for so long and began to repair the day I became paralyzed.  I would never change a thing or give this up for a former life of mediocrity, frustration, addiction, and loneliness.  The kind of loneliness I experienced was all self inflicted and driven by fear and self-loathing. 

Never have I been so sure of myself and my abilities.  My mind was not damaged by the car that hit me, but has been opened and awaken, freed.  This entire journey has brought me to a place of fortitude, solace, humility, strength, love, generosity, and freedom.

My relationship with God and my purpose have never been so clear and open.  The narrow road it is!  Nobody can shake my faith nor can they bring me down.  I am awake and feel confident to take every step forward afforded to me.  I am not afraid.

I was also enlightened to the fact that I'm rich.  I have art, music, love, a relationship with God, peace, and so much more that cannot be purchased with money.

I have made several changes in my life and have met an amazing abundance of people on the same journey experiencing the same self awareness and fearlessness.  I am physically getting stronger, spiritually sure, emotionally reigning in my thoughts and am learning how to evaluate said thoughts. Slowly but surely through consistency to new ways of thinking I'm conquering my food addiction and am healthier dietary wise.  My life is not mine anymore and I join in the energy of every living being and gladly welcome all who want to share in this journey.  Let's go forward, shall we?

Leave behind the things that keep you in the same place.  Rehab is like life.  There is nothing stagnant.  You are either growing or regressing at all times.  If you are afraid, hold my hand, lean on my shoulder, bend my ear.  I love to share so won't you share your meals, jokes, stories, heart, experiences with me?  We can move forward together...stronger.

¹⁹ “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. ²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

"...Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you But in your dreams whatever they be Dream a little dream of me.."

Pink is the NEW "Black"

I have a terrible habit of losing things; wallets, homework, keys, cameras.

I had a camera I loved and lost it at a restaurant.  Being in the wheelchair breeds bad habits.  I shove a lot of items between my thighs so I can have my hands free for things like pushing my chair when I use the manual chair.  One night I did just that.  I shoved this camera between my thighs for easy access so I could take loads of pictures of a birthday party dinner.  I did a depression (that's when I lift my body up so that the rump can have some circulation, thereby avoiding getting a pressure wound) and dislodged said camera.  Within 5 minutes it disappeared into some alternate universe.  :/

I like black because it goes with everything.  The camera was black so it was impossible to find it in a dimly lit restaurant full of dancing folks.  Black is like my life.  I like everything to blend into the background.  I don't want to stand out, I just want to enjoy the rest of my life and could care less for the most part if I make a difference or not.  If I happen to, great.  Even my Facebook ID is "Black Olive".  Some gag name created in a website called "Black Dynamite Yo' Self".  (A "B" movie that didn't do too well).

I purchased a replacement camera on eBay identical to my camera but in "hot pink".  I thought that a hot pink camera would be more difficult to lose....again.  It has been with me for several years now and is always a conversation starter.  

Since I have begun meditating I've aligned my thinking closer to a quote I read a while back.

"Once you awaken, you will have no interest in judging those who sleep"

How profound, how liberating.  I felt a freedom to not let the negativity of the world affect me, whether it be an annoying coworker, feelings of unnecessary obligation, a set back in physical therapy due to a hospitalization,and a lot of other things that I have been experiencing since injury.  I was happy to "be" and was happy to progress and learn.  I have the patience of a saint (in comparison to who I was) and a wonderful relationship with my family and myself.  I made a decision to be HAPPY!

Injury in itself liberated me from judgement from any source, a less-than-stellar past, grave mistakes that had haunted me,and self-loathing.  Acceptance of my new self has let me reintroduce the good parts of my old self into current existence. 

I am setting new goals, seeing a dietician, working my tuckus off at the gym and working on loving on people, but more importantly, I am paying it forward.  I am now the hot pink camera that doesn't mind being different yet the same and I don't mind standing out.  Every opportunity I have in conversation results in something positive coming out of my mouth and heart.

The last week has been full of exceptional moments that remind me that anything is possible and to never say "never".

Pink is the Black.....Olive.

Happy Palm Sunday.  Renew yourself and remember the meaning of this season.  Sacrifice, Faith, Renewal, and a freedom to a new life.  God bless you all.

"This is the day Jesus entered triumphantly into Jerusalem and marked, for some, the beginning of a new era in fulfillment of  Zechariah 9:9. There was incredible excitement in the city, but it was a mixed excitement. Some were glad this worker of miracles was entering the Holy City, while others were poised to end his life as a troublemaker and rebel! The events that transpired between that original Palm Sunday and the next Sunday, Resurrection Sunday, changed the world forever."