happy...

I don't think I've ever written a post being completely happy.  It's usually me blathering about negative things to rid my head of the sludge.  I find clarity once these thoughts have been thoroughly evacuated.

Call it endorphins, call it purpose, call it a "sense of self", but I'm in a simple word, happy.  It's not that life is perfect or that I am perfect but I know who I am.

We are getting ready to welcome a baby in our family, my first nephew!  This is the closest I think, I'll be coming to having kids for awhile.  My family unit at home is solid and dare I say, functioning.  We are open, honest, communicative, and in agreement to make things work.  Our family was broken for so long and began to repair the day I became paralyzed.  I would never change a thing or give this up for a former life of mediocrity, frustration, addiction, and loneliness.  The kind of loneliness I experienced was all self inflicted and driven by fear and self-loathing. 

Never have I been so sure of myself and my abilities.  My mind was not damaged by the car that hit me, but has been opened and awaken, freed.  This entire journey has brought me to a place of fortitude, solace, humility, strength, love, generosity, and freedom.

My relationship with God and my purpose have never been so clear and open.  The narrow road it is!  Nobody can shake my faith nor can they bring me down.  I am awake and feel confident to take every step forward afforded to me.  I am not afraid.

I was also enlightened to the fact that I'm rich.  I have art, music, love, a relationship with God, peace, and so much more that cannot be purchased with money.

I have made several changes in my life and have met an amazing abundance of people on the same journey experiencing the same self awareness and fearlessness.  I am physically getting stronger, spiritually sure, emotionally reigning in my thoughts and am learning how to evaluate said thoughts. Slowly but surely through consistency to new ways of thinking I'm conquering my food addiction and am healthier dietary wise.  My life is not mine anymore and I join in the energy of every living being and gladly welcome all who want to share in this journey.  Let's go forward, shall we?

Leave behind the things that keep you in the same place.  Rehab is like life.  There is nothing stagnant.  You are either growing or regressing at all times.  If you are afraid, hold my hand, lean on my shoulder, bend my ear.  I love to share so won't you share your meals, jokes, stories, heart, experiences with me?  We can move forward together...stronger.

¹⁹ “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. ²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

"...Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you But in your dreams whatever they be Dream a little dream of me.."