Sexual Healing

It's something that I don't publicly discuss, or rather it's something that people don't want to discuss with me.  It's that white elephant that no one points out.  Even within the safety and security of the Spinal Cord Injury support group that I attend, we don't talk about it much, but when we do, we go all out.  Because everyone's level of injury differs, we all have different amounts of physical return that we experience.  Some have sensation, others have movement, and there are those lucky few that have both.  I've seen sexual aids, devices, furniture, and videos that show how a sexual relationship is possible.  I think it's cheezeballs but whatever.  Guys definitely still have it way easier than women who suffer from paralysis and there are those out there who will contradict me, but I see way more able-bodied women with paralyzed men opposed to the reverse situation.




Whatever traces of testosterone are in me sometimes insight a sexual riot in my brain.  Maybe it's the not knowing of what sex will be like in the future that causes me to over imagine different scenarios. Oddly enough, I think about it at a male pace, meaning almost constantly.  And I don't think of it as a disabled person, I go through the memories of having an able body,  meeting someone so incredible where the sexual chemistry is on fire and you just want to, well for lack of words, fuck.  Sounds crude, but hot sweaty amazing sex was always more fun than just "doing it". lol sorry.  We all have preferences.  I have to throw in the disclaimer that I liked porn from a very VERY young age.  The kind of thing where you discover it "on accident" and like other drugs, just like it.  It's always in the back of my mind, but it's not like I'm some maniac that collects it, lol.


I've tasted the pleasures of a sexual relationship and of course I love it, but don't be fooled, I was pretty conservative.  It wasn't with many people, and it wasn't all the time.  I still have a very spiritual side that reminds me that there is more to life than the physical and that sex is still something special, even to me.  (Only a woman would say that.... lol)


Now as far as the paralysis goes, I know that I'm physically unable to have sex like before.  Physical inability has awoken mental ability.  I think about it because I have a freedom to.  What everyone thinks about me is none of my business and I reserve the right to have mental, emotional, and spiritual freedom.  We only live but one life and I am not afraid anymore.


This statement is for whoever I end up spending the rest of my life with.  I may not hold you or be able to lay with you in a way that lovers do, but my kisses are golden, my love is genuine, and my spirit is amazing.  Our life will not be easy, but what marriage is?  I promise you that it will be an amazing life and with God's help, it will be out of this world!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gO8-9OWzPOQ&feature=fvwrel&wl_token=OeF1qWnEA2sWlQwp7ifK1nHeTV18MTMwMjY2NDk3MA%3D%3D&wl_id=gO8-9OWzPOQ