Premenstrual Syndrome: PMS is a disorder characterized by a set of hormonal changes that trigger disruptive symptoms in a significant number of women for up to two weeks prior to menstruation.
Really? 2 weeks of insanity? lol
To me, P.M.S. means (P)lease (M)ake it (S)top,
I guess we all feel that way, right? Regardless of situations, abilities, (Diff)abilities, sometimes we want to cover our mouth with one hand and raise our other hand to signal to the ride operator that we'd like to get off the ride. Fortunately that's not the case. Every situation and moment has grown me and taught me about who I am, who I am supposed to be and in return I've paid it forward and have been rewarded with an amazing support system and life where I've been given friends, mentors, heroes, athletes, survivors....tour guides to this thing called life.
I have my moments. The other day I just wanted to break something and haven't yet. 3 1/2 years and counting. Karma means if I break it, I clean it up and I can't destroy things I love. I even want to break relationships so that I can isolate myself and have room to breathe. I still live in a room without privacy and as an adult that would trade her kingdom for privacy that's pretty horrific. I am fortunate to have a power chair that acts as my vehicle right now and I'm pretty good about getting around by bus. I am able to get to the market, the movie theater, my gym, and other places if I plan it right.
One morning, I'm unsure of whether it was my blood sugar being out of whack (type I diabetes sucks), hormone imbalances (that are worsening with no end in sight), or just sheer frustration, my mom had left and was supposed to be back to help me out a bit and she went missing on one of her shopping trips. She's older now and takes a lot longer to do basic things. She left her phone at home because it was dead and I was stuck in bed with a catheter leak. Ugh, another wonderful side effect of paralysis and a body which I'm still struggling to understand. So I just started yelling. The house was empty for once and I was able to just release. How freeing that was. Fast forward mom got home and we got into it a bit.
She agreed to change my catheter (done monthly or when I feel a UTI has taken over) and I asked her to wash her hands. She was immediately offended and got mad at me for asking her. I snapped. How am I supposed to ask a stranger and not my mom. She couldn't understand.
The metal reacher was available so I grabbed it and beat my poor lamp with all my might repeatedly. That wasn't good enough. I finally got pissed off at my body and turned the reacher on to my legs. I beat them till they were red/bruised. They didn't care. I didn't care. I wanted off the ride. I cooled off and peace was eventually restored. The bruises are gone,
Nothing is expected of me now but to live, survive, and be happy. I think we should do our best to enable others to be happy as well. (in a legal way, lol).
